Penner’s pretext: We’d’ve preferred the present/perfect tense, plenty letters except “E” et “Y” & plenty “Q” terms except “QWERTY” et “Q’d.” Nevertheless, these sentences were penned w/verve, hence the endless between-references where we erred. Never merely seek the expected, yet be perplexed, test thy self-exerted tenets, then tweet cheesy/lewd excerpts, eh?—Kelly Greendell
Remember the week when elderly Esther Bellwether wedded her nephew Chester Peckerweed? By vesper bells et treble-cleffed lyres, the freckled Welsh temptress lent credence 2 herself & knelt between the Westchester presbytery pews, therebetween vestry et belfry (steeple). There, shrewd Ms. Bellwether shewed her effervescence, her slenderness et elderly helplessness by her bejeweled eggshell dress. They’d preselected et exegeted lengthy verses (references: Elberfelder – Genes. 2:22-24 by Chester; Genes. 1:27-28 by Esther). She feebly necked Mr. Peckerweed’s steely chest, pecs et beer belly, then Reverend Peter Beckemeyer cleped (engl.: termed) them the Bellwether-Peckerweeds. The newlyweds then left Westchester by the jetty & went 2 see wended Exeter Creek by ferry.
Cpt. Helge Svenberg, merely Sweden’s best, steered the Belvedere, the newlyweds’ vessel, between the steepest reefs where Kent Creek teed, therebetween the deepened shelves & the drywell recently dredged by Nestlé. Twelve reckless preteens threw pebbles by the ferry’s stern, then cheered w/glee. Merely perches et redeyes were vexed. The Belvedere, Esbjerg’s eldest sternwheeler w/the newer deck, kept even keel when helmed perfectly; yet when tethered by the helm, the ferry reeled relentlessly. Nevertheless, very few men kecked et spewed.
There were plenty celebs, esp. senescent news presenters (e.g., Jen Heller), demented TV legends (e.g., Bryce Welles) & pesky bestseller penners (e.g., Steve Hennessey et even elder geezers); pretenders et self-prependers, reelected Denver selectmen, lewd clergymen, Deseret beekeepers, perverts w/pet ferrets (celebs never exempt), deserted et defected mercs, self-preened freestylers et freewheelers, etc.; they were she-men + he-men + they-men, nevertheless men. Plenty needed these meet ’n’ greets 2 sheen & shew velvet emblems w/deers, beeves, serpents, hellbenders, dyed fess bretessé, Greek frets, beveled edges, treble-sewn hems, etc.
Then there were the Welshmen Yves Brewster & Lesley “Breeder” Frey, the keg-chested, leery entry clerks secretly termed “Tweedle-dee” et “Tweedle-dye.” They checked et dejected plenty self-elected celebs, esp. the “gee” types (sketchy peeps w/crescent emblems, recently emerged between lesser spheres, tethered 2 rhythm/speech-themed klezmer genres; “gees” merely knew/esteemed street cred); nevertheless, plenty were westerners & greeted the clerks’ determents et repellency w/phlegm; fewer reemerged w/mettle.
When the revelers entered the resplendently bedecked Belvedere et thereby the fête, they were presented w/trendy merch by the wedded (e.g., fretless Schecters et plecs) + freebees by Dell (plenty flyers, hype-themed screeners, teensy newsletter shredders et dry cells). There were refreshments, e.g., seltzer, Mt. Dew w/synth. sweeteners, elderberry beer, cypress-green brews & plenty cheese pretzels (twelve centners per shelf per ten by three meters).
The tell-keen (engl.: pert) Mrs. Jette Meyer expressed her creed, “Whenever we seek tense, clever medleys et pre-letterpress weltschmerz, we prefer texts w/lengths between mere letters et dense ledgers; e.g., ‘Frenchpebble’s Creep’ by the esteemed Merry Shelly, esp. Henry Frenchpebble vs. Beth the nymphet vs. the hell-emerged Creep (the secretly mended cemetery flesh psyched w/specter by extreme electr. energy). Next, there’s ‘Gene Eyre,’ esp. herself vs. the wretched Mrs. Reed vs. feeble Mr. Reed’s decency et mercy. Then there’s ‘Three Flew by the Geese’s Nest’ by Ken Kesey, esp. the peerless R. P. McJerky w/the lewd, perky crew vs. the skeevy Mrs. Wretched.”
“Remember ‘Jekyll & Hyde?’” Dr. Clemens Clemente wheedled (better: helped) Mrs. Meyer. “Very decent text when defended fervently. The symmetry between Dr. Henry Jekyll & Mr. Ed Hyde engenders depth et mystery, the why et where4, e.g., Hyde’s whence et whether, Jekyll’s secret chem. essence, the ever-present betweenness, the sheer self-centeredness; lends me the creeps, Jette.”
“Yes,” she beeped. “The key? Presentment by resentment. The kernel? Let’s recycle these elderly bestsellers! W/restlessness, the texts’ penners presented lengthy jests et strengthy themes, esp. when they went everywhere per pedes; yet recently, peeps feel nerveless, self-helpless et stressed by electr. wheelers, the news, the senselessness, free weekends, the peewees, the rent, the greedy jefes (mergers, retrenchments, temp-2-perm preferments, green-belts, etc.), et the rest.”
“We prefer memes/tweets”, lezzy Jeremy jested, “esp. when they tend 2 rhyme, hehe.”
“Never, sweety!” Jeffrey the dyke screeched. “We prefer lengthy TV/X reels better, e.g., newsreels, serene greenscreen tech-westerns w/genderless Cheyenne berserkers vs. Sheperd & Wrex vs. three yevery (belly-empty) thresher nebs vs. endless synth. Geth chessmen + plenty Blender 3D scenes, prerendered et checked 4 weeks, yet re-rendered et rechecked w/SFX (spec. effects) 4 semesters! Heck! Seen ‘Beetle Jews’ yet? We expressly feel the Jews they expelled between the kweer sex scene & the end. ‘Jeepers Creepers?’ Extremely tense, yes. We even screened the teletext 4 weeks 2 see ‘Sweeney Ted, the neck-pelt severer by Fleet Street’—est. seventeen-seventy-three, he perms & severs pelts/necks, even penes/testes w/tweezers & hexes plenty genderless jerks!”
“Ewe!” Jette Meyer jeered. “There’s why we detest the telly. Ye even speech? When we were teens, we never tweeted/texted/sexted/typed. Peeps themselves were the messengers & when we felt very sexy, we beheld self-perfected sketches, else by Emcee Escher.”
The Epsteens fleered & plenty beers were depleted. Why Mrs. Meyer’s terms never lessened the spree’s temper, we’ll never get.
Elsewhere, the ketch Jezebel cycled between the Seychelles, Fellsmere (FL), Eveleth (MN), Meeteetse (WY) et Sydney. Specced w/new clew sleeves, she’s New Jersey’s newest, sleekest keeler; she reeved heedlessly, then swept by the elder sternwheeler w/empty nets et extreme speed. Nevertheless, skelly-eyed Cpt. Svenberg sped between the reef crests, entrenched the ferry there & prevented the wet fender bender by her sternwheel’s flywheel effect. By sheer senescence, he persevered between vehement tempests & never wrecked the Belvedere, yet served the Bellwether-Peckerweeds expertly.
The excellent chefs then deftly prepped & served the entrée: green-peppered tempeh stew w/red-peppered leeks et beets, lye pretzel trenchers drenched en crème de crevettes, the best ever Tex-Mex between Mt. Everest et the Pyrenees (zested w/fennel, celery, thyme, Greek herbs, French speedwell, crepe myrtle, kelp etc.), et the rest.
“Eden & the sky!” cheered Kenneth Fréchette, the černý merc/sentry. “These tender-wet Brezel trenchers en crème de belette were per excellence, neglect my French. The ensemble resembles next-level perfectness.”
“Merde!” Sylvester Shyster belched. “Why’d Kenny get the ferret crème? The kelp smell enfeebles me, 2gether w/Cpt. Svenberg’s speedy recklessness. Remember why chewy celery engenders dysentery? The recency effect helps.”
“Ye never err,” clever Dr. Clemente deflected the Shyster’s spleen. “‘Celer’ spells ‘speedy,’ hence the celery et speedwell greens strengthen Cpt. Svenberg’s zest, 4 he needs thyme 2 excrete. Hence, try the deer, my men’s preference.”
“We never veer 4 deer,” pretty Eve Beverlee Beesly flexed, “they’re merely prey. Whenever deers desert the fern shelterbelt, me et Benny revv the wheels & speed w/the dented Mercedes Benz jeep. There’re plenty treed, cemented streets between Essex et Wessex; free flesh 4 me et Benny. He’s lefty, hence the lesser deer-wheeler, yet he’ll try (else he needs 2 peel et dress the deer).”
The stern Ben Beesly yelled, “See, when Eve prepended herself there? She seeks precedence even when she’d decry herself. Phew! We exempted three deers recently, yet we reeved between the sled’s helmsmen, mere Helvellyn fell weekenders. They’ll seek redress, then the Feds’ll sentence Eve & resentence me; hence we fret!”
“Be fretless, ye’ll never get sentenced”, the Shyster blessed the Beesleys. Yes, they never were sentenced (we’ll see why). “When me & my brethren were tweens, we pelted brent geese et lesser kelp geese w/pebbles, defleshed them, then recycled them 4 checkers/chess sets. Lest we weren’t extremely self-centered, we were peewee shysters.”
“Nevertheless,” Eve mewed, “perfectly preserved red deer flesh resembles beef jerky when dry, yet smells fermented when wet.”
Dejected, lefty Ben Beesley left. Sylvester necked Eve et jested, “Sleep w/me, sweet cheeks?”
Expectedly, she repelled + rejected the creep when he (be)held her cherry cheeks (her keen eyes ((her perky bells))), then egressed herself.
Eve Beesly then extended her feelers, perched et gelled w/the nerds et geeks, e.g., the tense Dr. med. dent. Dr. med. derm. Dr. chem. Krys Kremer; she knew he’d recently peddled “nepenthe weed” (street speech 4 reefer dredged w/meth ((stretched w/meph [lengthy emergency text: extends the feck by twenty percent, yet ventless electr. fermenters 4 nepenthe weed smelt even beryl lenses [[Fresnel lenses]] & etch the tester’s eye [[by seventy-three percent tendency, the reefer’s 2 wet/dry]]]; the feck engendered by the meph-))meth resembles speed).
Nevertheless, he peddled “Keech,” the sewer detergent extender MEEP (chem.: PP-MEEP-SXBGHh666CET-PEE ((chem. extended: phenethyl-phenylene-4-methylene-ether-ester-phenyl-3-styrene-xylene-benzyl-glyceryl-hexene-hex-666-yne-chrysene-ethylbenzene-terpene-2-phenyl-ether-ester [street speech: “Kremer’s Keech”])); the detergent’s effects pervert the efferent nerves et vessels & the webby extender elements peel the mesentery; they thereby engender self-helplessness & gently reset the psyche, hence the tester needs excellent stents, then feels fevered, screwed et empty 4 weeks ((yet sheen Eve Beesley, the wretched deer-wheeler/weed-seeker, never knew [hehe])). By tendency, Dr. med. dent. Kremer, Dr. med. derm. Kremer & Dr. chem. Kremer were the cleverest between the ferry revelers ((except Jette Meyer [by tendency Dr. Clemens Clemente])); the treble entente delved deeply 4 the remedy 2 self-centeredness, yet never knew the keys were self-neglect et centerless selflessness, et treble degrees weren’t the best street cred).
Between beers, treble-Dr. Kremer fetched the cell, presented Keech prep reels & nerded, “My pretested chem. syntheses secrete the Keech between these bezel-less, screwless eyelets, these telemetered enzyme jets & these hefty Erlenmeyer kettles; these steps mess w/the Keech’s effervescence, yet strengthen (when deft w/the derm. needle—Hell’s bells, Eve Beverlee Beesley’s the sheenest → [w]ench/[s]elf → [e]verywhere/[w]herever → [y]es/[n]ever/by[t]endency)—Whew, where were we?—Yes, Mendeleev! These steps strengthen the Keech’s feck by e-eleventeen, else p-plenty percent—”
“End thy geek speech,” Eve begged. “See why these ‘sweet cheeks’ grew sleepy? Whenever Sylvester ‘Threepenny’ Shyster gets fresh w/me, they beg 2 be (be)held (reverently!) by select men, better men, never Benny. Descry these cheeks, yes? They prefer the heed et sleeplessness, else they’re bereft by creepers.”
He met her cheeky eyes, then nerded even better, “Let’s try cyber-defense between embedded systems et web servers, then? Encrypted et never decrypted cyphers, eh? My self-rented server recently bench-pressed 432 MHz between memtests (teensy byte better, nevertheless keypress/specs-dependent). When my peel swelters, the reverse Seebeck effect (sheets w/chem. elements freeze/seethe when they’re wedged 2gether et electr. energy’s exerted; nevertheless, the Seebeck effect’s even better) keeps the system dryer-deep-freezed everywhere between twenty et neg. seventy-three degrees C + twenty-seven percent wetness, esp. the electret cells, the ethernet vertexes et the kernel w/every feckless dependency. Telemetry’s never petty theft, except when the devs refresh the system & dereference the sender/resenders, they’ll detect the between-net Keech sellers/resellers (yes, they’re me, Kenneth; we’re the Keech peddlers), then the synergy perks w/my cyber-tech’s deterrence effect—bleep, bleep, bleep—the Belvedere’d resemble the best-screened sleeper vessel ever, the perfectly eyeless ensemble, yet even we’d never detect the [k]weer/[e]ffervescent → [d]eets/[m]esh between these electr. [f]ences/[h]edges (remember the [h]ypertext/[n]ews presenter: “Send me the deets, Kenneth!”); wherever we spy LLM text engenderment per excess terms, e.g., ‘let’s delve’—”
“Heck, end the ‘1337’ (leetspeech), ye jerk!” Eve Beesly kvetched between clenched teeth. “Else, these pretty legs (heels, feet, knees ((et cheeks!))) egress! Ween 2 remember the deek (engl.: peek) et thy speechlessness 4ever/the eve/seven secs? Then press my feckless enter key!”
“Never mend my senseless sentences,” treble-Dr. Kremer begged. “When we were expelled by Berkeley, we’d strengthen the self & the seven senses by serene recesses. Ever knew the terms ‘self-gentleness’ et ‘the percept?’ Check them, then refreeze et never reply, they’re my best perks. Let’s try then—we’re specters, yet we feel sheltered, here en Crete (Greece) between resplendent temples et the green scenery (greenery). We’re Hermes et Tethys; there’s Demeter, therebetween Selene, these redweeds & these nepenthe kegs. When the stress seeps deeply, sleep’s the remedy. Hence, let’s settle—let’s feel thy deepness et reverb (wetness), then free thy repressed effervescence et keep thy sweetness. We’ll help thy reemergence. Hence, shed thy dense shell, my belle crevette, yet remember my spell & cede the tenseness 4 wellness. We feel the freshness, feel renewed. We’ve the reflexes—we’re the symmetry et rhythm reflected by thy pretty eyes’ vergence. Here, my esteemed ‘between-references’ (keyless klezmer genre; detested yet never-detected by “gees”); they engendered thy tremblements; we sense them between the chest et neck—between my belly et thy bells—between thy cheeks et my member. Benny’s thy ex, yes?”
Eve Beesly felt pestered et regretted the secrecy, yet treble-Dr. Kremer’s shrewdness perplexed her et left her speechless.
“Sylvester Shyster!” screeched Dr. Clemente’s three henchmen, feckless shysters themselves. “He heedlessly wrests the lex whenever & wherever he deems seemly!”
The Shyster et Dr. Clemente themselves settled the medley & refereed, “Gentlemen, we beseech thee! Let’s hereby shed these endless resentments; never decry thy brethren yet deed them the respect threepenny shysters deserve.”
Why these terms lessened the henchmen’s spleen, we’ll never get. Eve Beesly detested the nerdy treble-Dr. Krys Kremer & the greedy Sylvester Shyster; yet she reverenced the slender Dr. Clemens Clemente, the better-heeled, better-scented, better-tempered clerk.
Then Cpt. Helge Svenberg prevented the next severe emergency when the breeze freshened et veered; by mere meters, the Belvedere jerked by the levee between the teensy skerry Selvbestemmelsesrett, where cypresses et peppertrees grew & grey-speckled wrens nested between ledges, where they bred et preened themselves (except between September eleventh et December seventeenth, when plenty fletchers reentered the jetty 2 resettle the skerry, then threshed the wren’s nests & egged themselves) et the pebbly skerry Menneskerettsbevegelse, where seedy shed dwellers relentlessly prepped + reseeded the seedbeds (except between December seventeenth et September eleventh, when the freshly fledged wrens needed 2 feed themselves et pecked the strewn seeds). Nevertheless, Cpt. Svenberg eschewed the levee, bested the elements & excelled when he represented the expert welders he’d seen between Lemberg et Dresden; he lengthened the sheeny ferry’s keel & sternwheel w/mere excess steel sheets, prestressed bleeder screws, seven hex keys, fewer wrenches et speed.
The Bellwether-Peckerweeds ended the event w/recherché desserts: blended cherry peels, stems et sweetest jelly between fermented nettle-cheese wedges, red deer jerky, sherry-steeped crêpes, crème the menthe, etc. Then they presented the revelers w/seventy-seven new beer kegs (rye beer, hemp beer, free beer, brewer’s best, freeze-brewed beer, beer de Gent, beer de Ypres, etc.) et plenty Genever (rye + herbs) 4 twenty shekel per serve (threepence 4 redeye). Plenty men settled by the beer well; plenty kecked et retched. Merely three were deemed fell when wrecked, yet legless they weren’t by the eve’s end; esp. the crew-necked mercs (better: reserve deserters) Llewellyn Sternberg et Sepp Herberger & the treble-defected Renesmée Zellweger. They schemed, flexed the thews et skeeved the rest.
“Them Jews keyed my wheels!” beefy Sternberg yelped. “Them wheels, never my tyres.”
Even the shysters were perplexed by these news, “Weren’t the Jews’ wheels keyless et thy wheels veneered w/plyweed?”
“Never, they’re veneered w/ply-beech. The Jews edged them w/fenced jewelry; seen these pewter-welted gems?”
“Very trendy,” Renesmée Zellweger bleeped, “except the Epsteens seem defenseless.”
“My pet peeve w/the Neger,” Sepp Herberger yelled, “why we never tell freely when he’s present et referenced. Hey, Kenneth, beer me?”
“Yet when Fréchette’s here,” fleshy Renesmée knew, “we merely refer 2 them by lefty speech terms, e.g., ‘the French jester,’ never ‘the Neger’—even when they get fresh w/the wenches, esp. the tellers et servers. Beer-de-Ypres me, Kenneth, eh? Never defy me; better serve me well.”
“Screw thee,” Kenneth Fréchette self-defended, then went 2 get nepenthe weed (else: Keech) by treble-Dr. Kremer.
The elder geezers between the merry revelers, esp. news presenter Jen Heller, then yelled the klezmer elegy “Where’s thy Hertz, Kenneth?” by R.E.M. Letzten Endes redete Sepp Herberger freely, “Bemerkenswert, denn leckere Erdbeercreme schmeckt dem Neger (Fréchette). Dementsprechend verwehre jenen fremdgehenden Weltverbesserern jedes Techtelmechtel, jeden Geschlechtsverkehr & jedwede Menschenrechte. Der verheerendste Stellvertreter jener wettergegerbten Menschenfresser zerschmettert Kellerfenster behende, lernt benebelte Schwerverletzte, Sterbende & deren Gebrechen erst kennen, d. h., er leckt gerne deren schmerzverzerrte, entstellte Zellgewebe. Ekelerregend zerfleddert er verwesende Exkremente, erlebt perverseste Pennertreffs, zweckentfremdet Gebetsperlen et -kettchen, entehrt + verschleppt begehrenswerteste Bergnymphen, begeht extremste Schwerverbrechen—”
“Merkel here, Merkel there,” sneered Renesmée Zellweger. “Next ye’ll expect the betterment levy decremented, except 4 Fréchette, the needy tenement dweller, eh?”
“Why, decremented?” Herberger yelled. “Fréchette’s peel et pelt were dyed ‘fekete’ w/feces!”
Fleshy Zellweger jeered, “Fréchette preempted three teepees (tents) between Westend et the pee-scented settlement—Pepperell?—wherever he dwells; Helvellyn fell weekenders rent them.”
“Smell my reverse, ye twerps!” Herberger hexed the mercs. “Ever held thy neb, Fleshy?”
“Better end the klezmer!” beefy Llewellyn Sternberg heckled. “These seven-legged beetle Jews vexed me plenty; they’ll be egged (pelted w/eggs), threshed, gelded & lynched by me. Them Hebrews deserve cement feet + the deepest shelf, where the creek never went dry!”
“Ye dense rednecks screwed thyselves expertly,” Jette Meyer peeved Sternberg et Herberger. “Ye never knew Esther Bellwether’s descendents were Chechen + Khmer Jewry? The teethless wyvern therebetween reserved Gretchen Meyerbeer & these merry klezmers, remember her? By tendency, she’s the newlywed, self-elected Welsh empress, the pretext why we’re here.”
“Jeez, wench, we’re preem gents!” Sepp Herberger decreed. “We’d never decry Esther & the eldest nephew she wedded; try my mettle! Nevertheless, Sternberg deems these fell Jew dykes grew seven-membered pegs recently, wedged between these pelty, peckerless legs. Hence they deserve 2 be lynched/expelled.”
“We’d never deny these deeds,” Jeffrey Epsteen pledged. “Yet we keyed thy wheels 4 the reckless speedster style, the redneck et deer-wheeler style; never when we were Jews. We recently selected heresy et seceded when we freed Jeremy’s et my gender. We’re steedless pervs & creedless perps, thence; yet we’ll beg 4 thy mercy, brethren, then keenly repent.”
“They keyed my cherry-red Chevy!” dense Llewellyn Sternberg wept. “They’re the enemy!”
“Kleenex?” Jette Meyer decentered the redneck. “Lest they threw fervent embers, merely peen the keyed beech veneer w/whetpebbles & emery the rest w/pewter smelter pellets.”
Very expectedly, Sternberg rejected her, “Keep thy freebee Kleenex; them Jewry’s why we’re needy, why even ye’re stressed by debt, ye debtee! Them leeches get plenty shekels wherever we retrench expenses, except we get threshed whenever we level w/them.”
The best-beered geezers yelled, “Cede these gents the lectern! Speech! Lectern! Speech!”
The Jews, Jeremy & Jeffrey Epsteen, reverently egressed.
“Feel the sweet envy precede the frenzy?” Jette sneered. “Let’s resettle & prevent redshed here; the Bellwether-Peckerweeds tend 2 seek et get redress, even revenge. Heed my speech, freshmen.”
Yet Sternberg et Herberger were depressed + severely beered, “Never! We’ve been peeved plenty by the skeeter dyke (Jeffrey) & the lezzy tse tse fly (Jeremy); we’ll need plenty beetle Jews repellent. Let’s end ’em here! Never step between me & them! Where’re they?”
Then the medley exceeded the Belvedere’s verge. The ferry reeled, the deck skewed steeply, then men screeched, teetered et bled everywhere. The scenery reemerged between scythe-meddled melee, steel-helmeted self-defense event & wet entrenchment. Plenty hefted kegs fell et sent effervescent beer geysers between the wrestlers, then were empty; expectedly, when the endless beer well went dry, the fête ended.
The revelers expressly neglected Mrs. Meyer’s behest, went berserk & even slew themselves; e.g., the Beesleys were felled (scythe-weeded ((neck-severed))) by Kenneth Fréchette, hence left the ferry by stretcher & were sent 2 the cemetery. The perp needlessly fled the scene by teeny-weeny wherry, yet left plenty genes between the Belvedere’s deck et keel. Fréchette merely expended seven cents shyster fees & served twelve by twelve weeks between Tennessee, Tyne et Egypt, except he’s recently fled by the sewers when they checked the cell 4 secret Keech slews et reefer vents; he’s been between sentences, sheltered by the Western desert. The fewest men were exempt & esteemed well by the wedded. Plenty jerks were expelled, even the Jews, keen Jette Meyer & secret sleeper spy Terrence Petersen. Except the eve never ended then & there, hehe!
When the newlyweds resettled, the DJ fetched the chest few elders’d deeded the newlyweds. They’d edged the chest’s plybeech sheets w/whetted Bessemer steel; therebetween jewelweed et evergreens, they drew the bee bee tree emblem et penned: “Bethy Bethlehem & Henry Hertz ween merry sprees, 4ever <3 2gether!”
Chester went 2 get levers, jemmy et segment the presented chest. Wedged between the chests plybeech sheets were emergent Elle de Beer (de Crécy), the French femme et belle nymphette—sweet hell, the blessedness, her sheer presence!—et Helle Jespersen, the bell-chested Swede w/smelly pelt between her reverse cleft et belly. Never expectedly, tweed dresses & sleeveless fleece vests were shed wherever, then felt trews et checkered breeches descended, then the rest. Even less expectedly, the teeny-belled nymphette reversed her gender, pegged the freckle-less Helle Jespersen’s reverse & led the Swede everywhere by her belt.
“Tender be the flesh, my sweet shepherdesses!” Esther cheered. “Let’s try & edge these feckless wretches, yet few eject perfect semen whenever we mess w/them netherly. Hence, expect merely few well-gened descendents by them.”
She smelled Chester by the tender pecker; he reeked peerlessly.
“My nephew, let’s hyper-gently, yet expertly lengthen thy member by sex, eh?”
“Esther deer, my keeper et scepterless empress! Weeny Mr. Peckerweed’s recent regress peeves me plenty, yet we’re self-helpless here; merely sever the feckless rebel w/the chef’s steely edge. He’ll be my hymen, the teensy bedwetter, bled between the velveteen bedsheets.”
“Well, never! Even best-bred steeds get the sweeny when neglected. Ye’ve never needed thy gender yet, hence let thy weeny hyphen et pendent testes redeem themselves. Be my weeble, my steel wrench; let’s get sexy w/these skeevy pervs everywhere. Let’s wedge w/fervent hyperthermy & pretend we repelled herpes when we were seventeen. Never expect clemency, my peewee.”
“Yes, thy Excellency, let’s sleep et rest.”
By these terms, the empress entered the nephew reversely; Esther the bellwether (new engl.: helmsheep, here: the ewe) pegged Chester the bedwetter (the eleventh sheep pees the bed, pew!) very well. They wedged w/vehemence—the lewdness, the sheerness, the sheenless pretense!—therebetween these sleepless men; these revelers et EPDM-neckers, Esthers’s serfs, helpers et senescent freemen, between few lepers, pet ferrets & seven preeteen-sex seekers (the Shyster, the spleeny Westchester presbyter & by tendency the DJ were between them; three even were treble-sentenced “cheese pretzel” ((CP)) leechers, yet these cheeky creeps were well-tempered & spent plenty shyster sesterces, hence were set free recently).
The Swede Helle’s bells trembled whenever she stretched her deft cleft, else heeled by de Beer w/deference; the French nyphet jerked plenty members, even weeny Mr. Peckerweed, three deserter-defecters, the DJ, Yennefer Vengerberg & her speckled self. Plenty feckless men Q’d 2 be the next (reference: Δ). Therebetween these lewd men, meek Helle Jespersen peed, excreted, chewed her tender excrements & retched expectedly; then Elle de Beer herself blew the sleek et messy peg termed “Steely Jen (the Tenth!),” detested the stench et spewed expectedly. Few members went cheerless when the respected she-men wheezed, then sneezed et ejected phlegm; very few teeny-weeny peckers never swelled when presented w/these perverse scenes <https://hyperverse.de/cheese-pretzels/kennel/celldweller.png>.
They went 2 sleep everywhere between the Belvedere’s stern et sheltered lee & few ever reverted 2 extreme perverseness. The Bellwether-Peckerweeds never ever referred 2 the event; they’d never need sex et lewdness, hence these were deferred éternellement. Embezzlement-tethered letters & plenty deleted Excel sheets/sex scenes w/steeply erect members <select reference here> reemerged by next week, everywhere the between-net streched; they were redeleted weekly. Merely Dr. Clemens Clemente & the helm-centered Cpt. Helge Svenberg were exempt by these lewd reels. Yet were they decent men? Eh, let ’em be (then let me be). The end.
*
This univocalic text only uses the vowel ‘E,’ as well as ‘Y’ for an extended thesaurus. It took four days, one for each of the four elements, to compile and categorize the vocabulary, then seven days to write the actual story (how biblical, right?), making it my most elaborate experimental “short” story so far. It particularizes a ship-based wedding party that goes horribly wrong due to human nature. Any reference to existent persons is entirely coincidental/unintentional. God, it’s good to work with actual vow’ls (‘A,’ ‘I,’ ‘O,’ ‘U’) again!
Leave a Reply